I am the smartest man alive

Well, at least in this house.

So I went five for six in Oscar predictions, missing only the wide-open Supporting Actress category. Even then, the winner was my No. 2 pick. So yeah, I guess I know my sh*t after all.

(Here's where you channel Affleck from "Dogma" ... "This from the guy who still owes me 10 bucks over that bet about what was gonna be the bigger movie - 'E.T.' or 'Krush Groove.'
And you have to love Damon's retort: "You know, f*ck you, man, 'cause time's gonna tell on that one ... ")

Anyway, I'm so exhausted from the brain strain of successfully picking Oscar winners -- and truth be told, a little ticked after paying bills just now -- that I'm going to do some really quick hits on a few recently-viewed movies.

The Chronic(WHAT?)les of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe: Speaking of Tilda Swinton ... This wasn't bad, I guess, but I was let down by the special effects and thought the whole tale of precocious youths in a magical land dragged on too long. Maybe if I had some Mr. Pibb and Red Vines ( = crazy delicious!)

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest: Another epic, although I never do these movies justice. I saw the first one on a plane -- a plane! With the tiny screen! -- and the second one (this one) in TV format, not letterbox. Still, these movies are more fun that I expect, thanks to Johnny Depp making like Keith Richards and some nice CGI.

Mystery Men: I had seen this tale of misfit superheroes before and thought it wasn't bad. The second time around ... not so much. Some wit here, but also a lot of stuff that falls flat. And each year, the Jaeneane(?) Garafalo schtick gets more stale. Hank Azaria wasn't bad, though, and Geoffrey Rush and Greg Kinnear give good supporting turns. Still, check out the lesser-known "The Specials" for a more sly (slyer? slier?) superhero comedy. (Picture Thomas Haden Church saying this, with just the right inflections: "I'm not saying the Great Strobe is better than other humans. I am, but that's beside the point. I can shoot laser beams out of my arms, that's what sets me apart. Can other humans do that? (Pause) Can they? (Pause) Can they?")

Alpha Dog: I remember the trailer for this looking interesting, if only for Justin Timberlake doing the movie star thing. This story of a young drug dealer kidnapping the brother of a guy who owes him money was ... OK ... maybe. Despite all the style, I was left wanting more. To be honest, the whole thing was a little too Tony Scott for me: plenty of flash, not much character. If only JT had given his lady friend a D*ck in a Box ...