Two perfect examples of why it's good to have a wife

Because seriously, I can't see how I would watch either of these movies on my own. And with one of the movies, that would have been kind of bad.

Not the first one, though.

More like nightmarez! (Ha ha ha ha ha ha): "American Dreamz"

I admit, the trailer looked mildly amusing. That, my friend, is how they get you.

Our story centers around an insanely popular "American Idol"-type program and the star host's desire to keep it fresh and funky. That means two things: (1) a showdown between America's sweetheart and an Arab guy, and (2) having the President of the United States as a celebrity judge for the season finale. As it turns out the Prez has his own issues, namely being a privileged dolt (sounds familiar) who suddenly realizes he doesn't know sh*t (still waiting for that to happen).

The host, of course, is Hugh Grant, and while I've liked his other roles with edge, i.e. "Bridget Jones' Diary" and "About a Boy," this is no good. Sure, he's perfect for the part, but the part sucks. Mandy Moore is better as the scheming girl from Ohio who wants to win it all, and some guy named Sam Golzari is OK as the Arab kid with a fondness for show tunes.

As for others, Willem Dafoe and Jennifer Coolidge aren't anything special, but Chris Klein is tolerable as Moore's doofus boyfriend. Finally, Dennis Quaid is the Commander in Chief, and he's goofy enough that the performance doesn't fall totally flat. Could have been better, though.

There are a few funny bits in this movie, but whatever thin thread of a plot exists simply unravels in a stupid finale. Even worse, that sh*tty "American Dreamz" -- "Dreamz ... with a 'z'" -- theme song has been in my head for days. Damn you. Damn you to Hell.

Hey, not just anyone can get into Members Only: "The Devil Wears Prada"

Obviously, I know all about high fashion. I mean, I've been wearing Jordache jeans forever. Still, I though, maybe I could learn something from this little movie about the hellish editor of a top fashion magazine.

I did: Meryl Streep ... she can act. Seriously, if you thought she was good in "Stuck on You" ...

Actually, the whole movie is somewhat entertaining. Whiny in places and utterly predictable throughout, and with more than a few one-note performances. But that's easy enough to accept when you also get another amazing turn by the best actress of my lifetime.

Streep is the dragon-lady editor, and Anne "Remember My Boobs From 'Brokeback?'" Hathaway is her new assistant, tortured equally by the boss and the senior assistant, Emily "I Was a Hot Lesbian in 'My Summer of Love'" Blunt. (Not nearly as hot here, and no nudity! Boo). Stanley Tucci, Adrian Grenier (yes, working outside "Entourage") and Simon Baker play the male stereotypes -- gay friend, boyfriend and stud-on-the-make, respectively.

The story is simple: How long can our heroine last at her job? Rather than recap the ups and downs, consider what I think was the best scene: As Streep and others try to put together an outfit and decide between two almost identical belts, Hathaway snickers. Streep asks what's up, and our girl Annie says, "Hey, they're the same."

Now, the good part: Streep shows how its not so simple -- and how fashion isn't so silly, but rather big, big business -- by noting the color of Hathaway's sweater. It's not blue or this or that, but cerulean, which was a big color a few years ago. Then it trickled down through the various levels of fashion, from the runway to the designers to the department stores to the bargain bins, where you bought it. So stick it up your butt, Princess Diaries.

I might not be a man's man, but I'm manly enough -- eat steak, play sports, scratch my balls ... all that. Still, it's kind of an awesome scene, and it surprised me a little. The rest of the movie isn't as good, but Streep comes to play, and that's rarely a waste of time.

(Pause)

That's all.