You know, if his nose weren't so f*cked up, he'd be schlepping on soaps: "You, Me and Dupree"

Seriously. I like Owen Wilson and all, but he's cruising a little too much on that bulging bridge and the slacker thing.

There was no way in hell I was seeing this crap on the big screen, especially since it kind of snuck up on me last year. In this glorious TiVo age, I managed to avoid all the trailers, and when I saw the movie poster, I was like, "What the f*ck?" I mean, I was down with OW after "Wedding Crashers," so I figured I'd hear about one of his movies coming out. After finally seeing "You, Me and Dupree," however, I realize why I didn't.

Our story has Matt Dillon and Kate Hudson getting married in Hawaii, with Dillon's dipsh*t friend Dupree as the best man. After the honeymoon, Dupree the Bum needs a place to stay. He moves into the Dillon-Hudson love nest. Hijinks ensue.

Some hugely obvious problems with this whole shebang. One, Dillon is 17 years older than Hudson, and while she can represent a little older ... no, I'm not buying it. Nice tush, though.

Second, Michael Douglas is her dad and Dillon's boss. OK, I can roll with that. But the years are not being kind to Mike, and a little less pancake would be good for all of us.

Third, the whole idea of Dupree (our man Owen) being so reckless and clueless might have worked if the director/scriptwriter ran with it all the way. But nooooo ... Dupree has to get his sh*t together and make things right with both Kate and Matt. File this in the having your cake and eating it, too, category. Yeah, I know it makes for a nice little story, but when you're already on thin ice with credibility, don't break out a jackhammer and pound right through.

There are other silly things, such as Seth Rogen -- whom I like -- playing another friend of Matt and Owen's. OK, he was born in 1982, and even with glasses, a beard and a vagina instead of a penis, I'm still not buying him as a pal to these guys in their late 30s/early 40s.

In the end, this is little more than a waste of real talent in a stupid movie. Sure, I laughed at some bits, and -- like I said -- Owen is my guy. No, really, I don't mind watching the whole doofus thing. See "Starsky & Hutch." That works for only so long, though. I don't care if he is throwing seven different kinds of smoke -- yes, that was kind of funny -- I'm still popping in "Zoolander" instead.