Yippie-ki-yay, mother ... wait a minute, what was I saying?: "Live Free or Die Hard"

Yes, I gave up a little piece of my soul to see a 50-something guy play action hero almost 20 years after he first scampered about an L.A. skyscraper. Let me explain.

Between a canceled tennis match and bad weather that delayed plans to install a screen door, I found myself with a little time Sunday, and the rare chance to catch a movie in an actual movie theater. Of course, this set into motion the great debate about what to see.

True, I had interest in "Sicko" and also thought "1408" could be good. There were other options, such as "Knocked Up" and "Ocean's Thirteen," but those were best saved for viewing with my wife. And the other movies also seemed like they could wait until they hit the small screen in my den.

That left the big, noisy stuff. I missed the second "Pirates of the Caribbean" installment, so the third was out. I decided I was too much of a grown-up to patronize the latest "Fantastic Four" movie or the "Transformers." (Besides, Gobots totally would kick their a$$.) So it was that "Live Free or Die Hard," co-opted from the New Hampshire state motto, won the big prize.

You know what? It wasn't too bad.

Oh, it's dumb. Really dumb. Fantastically stupid. I could fudge a little and talk about how the high-tech hijinks offer an out and somehow excuse the stunts that require -- nay, demand -- you suspend belief. But, no. Even with the computer whiz-bang, the action scenes that are this series' bread and butter are so ludicrous that laughing wasn't an option but a spastic reflex.

Our story has shaved-head Bruce Willis as NYPD detective John McClane, washed up again, dispatched to escort a computer hacker (Justin Long) to Washington in response to some strange sh*t going down with the nation's computer network. Turns out this hacker helped write some code that will make the digital age go kablooey, thanks to a surly young man (Timothy Olyphant) who turns out to be a former government defense/tech geek.

We see just how bad things can get -- for all the stuff connected to computers (pretty much everything) and for McClane and his little hacker buddy. While mayhem reigns with the nation's transportation and financial systems, bad guys try to kill our heroic duo at every turn. These attempts reach epic proportions, as you might guess, and the stunts are nothing short of amazing.

Did I say amazing? I meant absurd. My bad.

We get cars flipping every which way in a tunnel, then being used creatively to take down things in the air. We get bullets whizzing every which way. We get a tractor-trailer vs. a fighter jet. It's all rather loud, and some of it is kind of fun. Really, I laughed at some of the more creative stunts, admiring the chutzpah these guys had to put this stuff in a movie. I mean, come on ... don't you want us to try to believe some of this could happen?

The actors aren't a lot of help. Willis is game, I guess, and not as bad as I feared. But he's still 50-plus and we're asked to accept that he somehow holds up better now -- and under more punishment -- than in the first "Die Hard." Olyphant is largely wasted; the guy has been good in other stuff -- the best thing in "The Girl Next Door" ... well, other than Elisha Cuthbert's tuckus. Here, though, he's not nearly as menacing as his turn as the clenched-teeth sheriff in "Deadwood."

Long, who has been annoying audiences since the TV show "Ed," was surprisingly tolerable, or at least pulled off his role well enough. Sure, the incessant wisecracks were a bit much, but he and Willis played off each other all right. I mean, he brought more to the table than Maggie Q as Olyphant's lady/right-hand woman and Cliff "Why Don't I Have a More Ethnic Name?" Curtis as the FBI cybersecurity chief. A little better were Mary Elizabeth Winstead as the all-growns-up Lucy McClane and Kevin Smith -- finding his nearly-perfect role -- as another hacker.

Hey, there's no question this is a silly movie from the get-go. When I heard Willis was going through with it, I groaned as much as anyone. Aceepting that, though, I ultimately enjoyed this. It's not good, not by a longshot. But enjoyable? Sure. Amusing? Definitely. Outrageous? No doubt. So yeah ... I can't wait until Willis gives it another go in, what, 10 years? I can see it now. "When terrorists took over Del Boca Vista Phase III, they thought they were in control. They didn't count on ... John McClane. Bruce Willis ... in ... 'Die Hard With Arthritis!'"