Prelude to a hiss: "Snakes on a Plane"

Did I say this movie would gross $50 million opening weekend? No, no, no ... I meant $15 million. Really!

I'll admit, I enjoyed the pre-release, Internet-driven hype for "Snakes on a Plane." Alas, it clearly wasn't based on people who actually wanted to see the movie, but rather the joy in saying/typing "Snakes on a Plane." Try it with me ... "Snakes on a Plane." Tee hee.

I'll further admit that the title made me laugh again once it appeared on the big screen. Seriously, doesn't it sound more like (a) a quick pitch at Paramount or (b) a straight-to-video "movie" starring Lorenzo Lamas and Antonio Sabato Jr.? But there it was, in big letters at my local multiplex. And there I was, shelling out $4 -- the 11 a.m. Sunday special -- for the privilege of watching Sam Jackson swear at serpents.

There's no question you have to admire the chutzpah in a studio releasing a movie with this title. We've all heard the story about Jackson putting his foot down when they considered changing the title to something more benign: "Pacific Flight 121." God bless him. I can't wait to tell my kids I actually paid money for a movie called "Snakes on a Plane."

As if I need to explain the plot, here it is: Surfer dude sees a crime boss kill someone in Hawaii, so he has to testify in L.A. But the crime boss stashes a bunch of poisonous snakes on the plane. Hijinks ensue.

While this doesn't seem the most practical way to kill someone, it does make for a plethora of silly scenes and laughable deaths, from bites on the boob and d*ck to some under-the-clothes snake action to popping out of a barf bag to gobbling up a passenger whole. Yeah, it's pretty dumb. Fortunately, Jackson -- as an FBI agent ferrying the witness to L.A. -- plays the whole thing cool, giving his most understated performance ever.

Of course he doesn't! Sure, Sam doesn't yell all the time, but he does all the Sam things, culminating in the movie's signature line. No, not "Wait a minute, this dipsh*t sent snakes to kill the guy?" I talking about ...

"I have had it with these motherf*cking snakes on this motherf*cking plane!"

Funny, huh? Well, yes and no. The high-camp potential of this movie is clear, but I think they could have pushed it even more -- with the snakes, with the Sam, with the sheer absurdity of the plot. No, nothing is at all believeable about this, but some folks still seemed to be playing it straight, and not all of the killing was funny. I mean, poor Juliana Margulies. She's second-billed and has a hard time hiding the "I left 'ER' to be in movies but not this crap" look on her face.

Other actors are even lower on the food chain: Rachel Blanchard, Kenan Thompson, Todd Louiso, Bobby Cannavale, Lin Shaye and David Koechner (channeling Champ Kind, just a tad softer). Heck, they're not even worth those funny movie references, i.e. Bobby "Shall We Dance" Cannavale. But you know what? I'm guessing De Niro and Streep just weren't available.

In the end, this is a movie you see -- or at least, I saw -- just to say you saw it. Good movie? Um, no, and not even the campiest, goofiest bad movie I've seen. Sadly, I think a few critics succumbed to the hype and figured they could give it a thumbs up as long as they said, "It's so silly!" And check out this insanity. Yeah ... almost 8 out of 10. Sure. Whatever you say.

So, no, not good, and only halfway funny, not very scary and -- believe it or not -- kind of boring at times. (Even with the "snake cam.") But great title? Of course. Do I want a T-shirt? You bet. My size? Large.