Like I need another reason to hate the French: "Cache"

Don't get me wrong ... I never got on the "Freedom fries" train because, as we know, French fries are from Belgium. But I must confess that those beret-wearing, chain-smoking, no-deodorant-wearing folks generally annoy me. (Although you may recall my exception for Ludivine Sagnier of "Swimming Pool." Whoa, nelly.)

That said, I take a chance on a French film every now and then. Sometimes it works out; "Brotherhood of the Wolf" was a curious and generally entertaining chop-socky/monster movie/period piece. Sometimes it doesn't; "Fat Girl" had good female nudity, but also showed penis (automatic one-star deduction) and capped things off with a bizarre -- nay, dumb -- ending. (Then again, whenever this movie comes up, I can play Buffalo Bill and ask, "Was she a big ol' fat girl?")

(Side note: I just looked up "Fat Girl" and saw the guy wore a prosthetic erect penis in the sex scenes. So I guess that's not an automatic one-star deduction -- it's just like "Boogie Nights." But guess what? The movie still blows.)

I'm tempted to say "Cache" falls somewhere in between "Wolf" and "Girl," but that's a cop-out. So I'll come down on the negative side, and continue cursing the French. It's not hard.

Our plot has a French family discovering that their home is being videotaped, but having no idea who is doing it, or why. The surveillance and other spooky stuff grows more intense, straining relations within the family: dad (who hosts a public TV show on books), mom and teen-age son. Eventually the father has an idea who may be behind this, but that suspicion doesn't turn out to be quite right.

It's not a bad concept. Heck, I'll call it a good one, and I remember the trailers making this movie look pretty good. And it was ... right up to the end. I'm tempted to spoil it to spare you any frustration but (a) this isn't as bad a "Hide and Seek" and (b) I'm not sure what the ending meant, if anything. Damn you French people. (What? The director is German? Doesn't matter.)

It's doubly frustrating because the movie starts well and adequately builds tension even though very little happens. (I'd mention the actors, but they're all a bunch of Frenchies, so who cares?) Hard to imagine that looking at an almost static scene of a home's exterior could be creepy, but when you're watching it on video with the family who lives inside, you understand their unease. Of course, this leads to a really big question: WHO'S MAKING AND SENDING THESE GODDAMN TAPES?!?!?

I'm "yelling" because the answer to this was, well, less than clear, and that's unforgiveable given the set-up. Hey, I can handle confusing movies and intricate plots; I still don't know the whole story with "Syriana" but loved trying to figure out all the connections. But this seems designed for people to leave the theater and go directly to ze cafe, where zey can zip espresso and discuss this high-concept crap. Too bad, but really, what else do you expect the French to do? Work?