Because I've yet to find a movie about a jingle-writing dwarf who gets married

Not that "Under the Rainbow" didn't come close.

(Come on ... Chevy Chase ... Carrie Fisher ... hundreds of little people? Hee-larious!)

I've been bogged down at work but managed to catch a few random movies in recent days. None of which really warrants a full-fledged post, and besides, I'm tired.

Gee, you seem a little short-tempered today: "Tiptoes"

Weird movie, this one, and not just because the terminally cute Kate Beckinsale has a horrible tattoo on her arm.

Not sure how my wife came across this movie, but we have Beckinsale and Matthew "Alright, alright, alright" McConaughey as a couple who get pregnant. No big deal? Well, turns out McConaughey comes from a family of little people; he's the only full-size one among his parents and twin brother, played by Gary Oldman. Yeah, somehow they made Oldman look like a little dude, which was even more impressive than his makeup in "The Contender." (Seriously, I didn't know he was in either movie until the credits.)

So we watch the couple worry about having the baby, then actually have the baby, then continue fighting about the baby. While I admire the idea and applaud the attempt to look at what little people deal with, the movie isn't that good. The biggest problems are Beckinsale's character, who is hard to believe; the weird side story of Oldman's friend -- the guy from "The Station Agent" -- hooking up with Patricia "My Boobs Are Pushed Up to My Eyes" Arquette; and the overall pacing, which is too brisk to give the story any real meaning. On the plus side, it's been a long time since I'd seen a little person do the nasty.

Looking for some sappy crap? Here's some now, no need to clap!: "The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio."

Damn those Blockbuster gift cards. They just open the door for movies that in retrospect you would have been fine without.

Oh, "Prize Winner" is OK, I guess. But it really is the schmaltzy true story of an Ohio housewife and mother of 10 (Julianne Moore) won a bunch of jingle contests, which kept her family afloat while Dad (Woody Harrelson) got drunk all the time. See, Woody ... working in that Boston bar led you down the road to ruin.

This movie breezed through theaters, and folks didn't miss much. It's mildly entertaining to see Moore as the family rock who also has a knack for rhyme. The portrayal of early '60s life in interesting enough, too. But the family dynamic, even with Woody's benders, is too simple and sweet. Still, Moore manages to cry yet again. Is there any movie in which this doesn't happen?

Hi, I'm John Cock ...tos ... ton : "Wedding Crashers"

To balance out the above, My Beloved and I also rented "Crashers," which was pretty funny the second time around. It's going to take a few more viewings to see if it can reach "Old School" territory. I doubt it, but even if it comes up short it's grand fun to watch Owen Wilson and especially Vince Vaughn go after women at wedding receptions.

There's no question the movie falls apart once our boys fall in love, but you can't deny the hijinks before then. From the strategy discussion and other banter at the main reception to the travails at the country house, Vaughn and Wilson do a decent job playing the immature guys on the make. That gives way to Wilson trying to land super-cutie Rachel McAdams while Vaughn wants to escape her horny sister -- formerly unknown but definitely hot Isla Fisher -- their gay brother and other hazards.

But really, can we not just pass a law that says Vaughn can only play this aging frat-boy character? Stick with your strong points, I say. Consider these catchphrases:

-- "I like where your head's at ... "
-- "Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly, pal!"
-- "No excuses. Play like a champion!"
-- "Are they built for speed or comfort?"
-- "Go out there and get some strange ass!"
-- "Erroneous! Erroneous!"

Sure, some of those might have limited usage, but you never know when one might come in handy. It's all deadly.