Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Hey, y'all ... let's go to the trailer park!

Since I've actually been to the cinema in recent weeks, it's time to grade the trailers for upcoming movies:

Apocalypto: C
First, it's from Mel Gibson. Second, I have no idea what it's about other than Aztecs or Mayans running around. Third, there were waaayyy too many objects shoved through people's noses, ear lobes, lips, etc.

The Break Up: B
I' m not much for romantic comedies, but this one had me at a woman telling her man, "I want you to want to do the dishes." His response: "Why would I want to do dishes?" Truer words have never been spoken. Oh, and Jennifer Anniston still looks hot. Who loves ya, baby?

The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift: D-
Because there were so many unanswered questions from "2 Fast 2 Furious" ...

Poseidon: B
Could be decent in a loud, wet way, even if I find Josh Lucas to generally be a putz. Hopefully Kurt Russell is the man here.

The Sentinel: B-
Wait a minute ... Kiefer Sutherland plays a government agent? No way! Slightly harder to swallow, however, is Eva Longoria in the Secret Service. Escort service, maybe.

Click: C-
Seriously, I could have storyboarded this trailer in 15 minutes. Adam Sandler isn't bad in general, but this supposedly family-friendly claptrap looks like a step back. Bring back Billy Madison!

A Scanner Darkly: B+
Still not sure what it's about, but it's hard to take your eyes off those weird cartoons seemingly wrapped around real actors. Although really, Keanu Reeves already is a cartoon anyway, right?

United 93: A-
When you're not sure you'll even be able to watch the movie because the trailer gets you choked up, that's something. This could be a gut-wrencher, especially the way Paul "Bloody Sunday" Greengrass captures tragedy on film.

Akeelah and the Bee: C+
Some may see this as the feel-good hit of the summer. (Just nudging out "United 93.") Me? I'd rather see Larry Fishburne back in the Matrix instead of headlining this sappy crap.

Mission: Impossible III: B+
Another unclear plot -- which is better than giving everything away, true -- but the action looks solid. Bonus to see if Philip Seymour Hoffman can do blockbuster stuff. Of course, I won't pay for this and put money in the Couch Jumper's pocket. Maybe I'll buy a ticket for something more worthy, like "United 93," and sneak into "M:I III."

X-Men: The Last Stand: A-
After a slightly bumpy first installment, this series is shaping up as relatively kick-a$$. Loving the idea of a mutant war and some new freaks to admire. Of course, the more mutants, the more you wonder what makes Wolverine so great. Storm can control the weather, dude, and all you got are some Ginsu hands?

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