If this were a meal, my mom would call it a "smorgasbord"

And I swear I thought she made that word up ... at least until I was in college.

I know, I know ... I go away, I never write, I forget all about you, my loyal (seven) readers. I wish I could claim something extreme, like standing trial as the 20th hijacker or appearing beside President Bush at the White House correspondents' dinner. (It was funny because it's true.)

Alas, I merely had family and work obligations that sabotaged my evenings and last weekend. Even now, it's approaching the wee hours, yet I couldn't let my absence continue to fester here on the information superhighway. Even if this is but a barren pit stop a good 10 miles off the interstate ...

So we have another movie roundup, which should clear my plate and set us up (hopefully) for more regular posts in the days to come.

Cybill, all is forgiven: "The Last Picture Show"

Weird movie ... black and white and all 50s-like, yet released in 1971. That homage to yesteryear in look and tone may have been why critics fawned over "Show," and I won't argue.

Sure, it may poke along a bit, but it's interesting to see a young Jeff Bridges and Cybill Shepherd fumble through teenage romance, as well as a young Timothy Bottoms -- known to some for his W schtick in "That's My Bush" -- anchor the movie as a callow youth in a tiny, dusty Texas town.

Of course, all of this pales to the sight of Cybill naked. Yeah, Madame Moonlighting bares all a couple of times, and let me tell you ... that's all right. Whew, she was something before electricity.

No, really ... this is the movie that will make him a star: "After Dark, My Sweet"

My dad nailed this: Jason Patric is one of those guys who delivers a good performance every few years and seems poised to become an A-level actor, but then nothing happens.

Granted, he's not even 40 yet, but hasn't he been around a while? Sure, he was solid in "Narc" and especially "Your Friends and Neighbors," but I remember him from "The Lost Boys" and "Solarbabies." (If you see one movie about kids on roller skates who find a weird orb with special powers ... )

Anyway, Patric is good again in this low-profile film noir, playing a washed up boxer who falls into a kidnapping scheme with a widow (Rachel Ward) and a con man (Bruce Dern). Ward doesn't look as good here as in "Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid" -- her hair is kind of bad -- but overall the movie is passable. Not in the class of "Red Rock West," but the same ballpark.

There's another movie with a guy named "Ponyboy," but that definitely isn't based on a kids novel: "The Outsiders"

My curiosity finally got the best of me. After seeing a random scene or two over the last several years, I buckled down and TiVoed Coppola's teen star-studded adaptation of the S.E. Hinton book.

While the story of the poor kids vs. the rich kids in a 1950s Oklahoma town is OK, there's no question "The Outsiders" is more notable for the number of young stars who went onto bigger and better things. Where to begin? Matt Dillon, Patrick Swayze, Rob Lowe, Emilio Estevez ... oh, and some guy named Tom Cruise (before even "Risky Business"). Sure, these guys all were young in 1983, but it's pretty interesting to see them all together.

Anchoring the movie are two other young actors, Ralph Macchio and C. Thomas Howell. Macchio actually isn't bad -- even with a weird voiceover at the end -- and it's funny how nobody talks about this movie, only "The Karate Kid." As for Howell, well, he had a nice run in the mid-'80s but ... have you seen him lately? Ouch. Never mind a resume that features a dozen movies that sound like they were in "Seinfeld," i.e. "Curiosity Kills," "Dangerous Indiscretion" and "Fatal Affair" (just to name a few). When he was on "24" recently, he looked all gaunt and weathered. And he's not even 40, either!

Now someone who has aged more graceully is my main squeeze Diane Lane. Here she's only 18 but already cultivating the older look that would get her grown-up roles in "Streets of Fire" and "The Cotton Club." (Before she shows us her stuff in "Lady Beware." Woof.) And you can't beat her character's name: Cherry Valance. Hey, Neil Diamond said it best ... she got the way to move me, Cherry ... she got the way to groove me. (What? Too much?)