Hmmm ... it was either "po-TAY-to" or "po-TAH-to": "The Interpreter"

That's right ... seeing a movie on opening weekend. Not such a slacker after all, am I? Well, as the Wolf once said, "Let's not start sucking each other's d*cks yet ... "

The plan last weekend actually was to do the opposite of hanging out in a dark theater -- that is, hiking. More specifically, I drove two and a half hours to meet up with a friend who's hiking the Appalachian Trail. The SOB has both time and money, so he's spending the next few months walking from Georgia to Maine. I'm jealous, and I wasn't sure if I was going to hike with him or simply destroy him.

As it turned out, Mother Nature had it in for us both, throwing down rain on Saturday and forcing us to consider alternative entertainment in Erwin, Tennessee, population 5,610. To my slight surprise, Erwin had a two-screen theater, and that theater had first-run movies. Given the lack of amenities along some stretches of the trail, I figured a cinema could get away with "Jersey Girl" and "2 Fast 2 Furious" for months on end.

Instead, our choices were "Sahara" and "The Interpreter." I favored the former, wanting to embrace the weekend's would-be adventure theme and make fun of Matthew "All right, all right, all right ... " McConaughey. Alas, I was outvoted by my pal Steve and "Hooky," a girl he had met on the trail. "Hooky" was her trail name, since she was a teacher essentially playing hooky from school. Heck, getting a new nickname is enough of a reason by itself for me to hike the trail. Then again, the risk of being known as "Bighead" or "Unabomber" for five months might not be the best thing in the world.

But hey, what about the movie? In a word, not bad. Nicole Kidman ("BMX Bandits") looked fantastic as usual and had no problem pulling off the role as a United Nations interpreter who stumbles across a conspiracy to assassinate the president of an African nation in which she once lived. Matching her angst is Sean Penn ("Shanghai Surprise") as a Secret Service agent hired to protect/investigate her. Neither actor does anything we haven't seen before, and it really didn't seem like they were challenged, but rather ably filling roles. No Oscars here, that's for sure.

As for the plot, it drags a bit but never slows down too much. A few good, tense scenes, including one especially good series of events involving a New York City bus. This also apparently was the first movie to shoot inside the actual UN, which surprised me. The main hall looked OK, I suppose, but I can't say it was worth the wait.

But back to Penn, the four-time Oscar nominee for Best Actor and one-time winner. He clearly wants to be next in the Brando-DeNiro line and is doing just fine in that regard. But wouldn't it be great if, just once, he dropped the sourpuss and threw out a "Fast Times" reference? I can see it now ... the next time he's at the mike during the Oscars, after reading a list of nominees, he pauses, then drops the bomb: "Those guys are fags!"