If loving him is wrong, I don't want to be right: "Role Models"

You might guess that a movie with Paul Rudd as a lead would have me running to the cineplex faster that Levi Johnston said "So I don't have to marry Bristol now, right?" after McCain's concession speech.

Good guess.

To my credit, I didn't see "Role Models" on opening weekend. With my wife galivanting around Savannah on her selfish pregnant girls getaway, I was minding our little girl. (Because she certainly doesn't mind me. Pow! I'll be here all week.) As much as I wanted my Rudd fix, the movie seemed less than suitable for nearly 2-year-old eyes. So it was that I caught the midday matinee, before my afternoon/evening shift.

Our story has Master Rudd and Stifler from "American Pie" (as opposed to Stifler from "Hamlet") as employees of an energy drink company who pitch the drink at local schools. Yes, that's how far education has fallen in this country. Anyway, Rudd -- having a bad day ... well, life, actually -- flips out at a school, and a judge orders the dynamic duo to perform community service. That leads them to an organization run by the very creepy Jane Lynch -- the tall blonde woman from those Christopher Guest movies -- and to two messed up kids.

Rudd draws a teen obsessed with a live-action fantasy game. You know, Dungeons and Dragons and that kind of crap. Something my friend Justin probably does on weekends when he says he's watching football. The kid is played by Fogell from "Superbad," and he's about as good here as he was there. More endearing, to be sure, but still funny. I about lost it during the "whispering eye" bit.

Stifler gets a little black kid who makes Eddie Murphy in "Raw" look like Mother Teresa. Yeah, the kid's got a mouth, and was burning through mentors before Stifler. They soon find they have a few things in common -- mainly an appreciation for boobs. Make that three of us.

As you can tell, hijinks ensue when our heroes are paired up with the kids. We get the predictable arc: The guys are clueless, then they get it, then they screw up, and each has to fix it. There's also the matter of Rudd trying to get back his girlfriend, the perpetually cute Elizabeth Banks (although she's in everything these days). That plot line isn't as strong as the other stuff, and I also could have done without as much Jane Lynch. It felt like they were stretching things out to make sure the movie lasted at least 90 minutes.

Still, Rudd and Stifler both were funny, and "Models" manages to keep a decent edge throughout. I like the way it started (with these sad sacks making their school tours) and the way it ended (with the battle royale for the dorky fantasy game). There also were enough goofy bit parts and throwaway lines to keep me laughing for the most part, and it's not like it takes much work to watch crude silliness like this anyway.

I'll admit that my man crush on Rudd means I'd probably give a film version of him reading "Where the Wild Things Are" four stars. But even though I enjoyed "Models," it still falls a bit short of "Old School" in the crudeness annals and "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" in the sweetness category. That's not to say it won't grow on me with repeat viewings. Oh yes ... there will be repeat viewings. The Rudd rush delivers a nice high, but I can't go too long without a fix.

I just thought of something. What if Paul Rudd and Diane Lane were in the same movie? ......

......

......

Let's just say it's a good thing I'm sitting down. For a couple of reasons. Maybe it's best for everyone that such a pairing hasn't happened, and with Lane's retirement from acting, apparently never will. I don't know about the world, but I'm pretty sure I couldn't take it.