Potpourri, parade or plethora

Call it what you will, but here's another righteous roundup, complete with an old Clint Eastwood movie as our theme.

THE GOOD

The Truman Show

I think I saw this in the theater, and maybe again on video. But that was a long time ago, and while I knew it was good, I forgot just how good.

The story of a man whose whole life has been on TV -- unbeknownst to him -- is sharp and breezes right along. Right away we learn that Truman is the star, that everyone else in his life is acting and that his whole world is one big set. Jim Carrey, in one of his first roles not entirely about clowning around, is good as Truman, although I could probably think of several "serious" actors who could have done better.

Still, he gets it done, along with a supporting cast that includes Ed Harris as the puppet master, Laura Linney as Truman's wife and Natascha McElhone as his long lost love. Things get really interesting when Truman starts to figure things out, and if this movie doesn't make you wonder if you're being watched, something's wrong with you.

The Queen

I skipped this in the theater and wasn't planning to watch it at home, but The Essence of Beauty Who Shares My Bed said I'd like it. Guess what? She was right!

As opposed to other boring movies about monarchs, this follows Queen Elizabeth II in the days following the death of Princess Diana. No need to rehash all that happened with these folks before then, but suffice it to say relations were strained. Then the girl goes and get herself killed -- becomes a martyr, practically -- and how the royal family reacts becomes a big, big deal to the British people.

Helen Mirren plays the queen. Strike that. Helen Mirren is the queen. Damn spooky, and easy to see why she won an Oscar here -- not just the look but the whole stoic schtick. Not too shabby is Michael Sheen as the new prime minister, Tony Blair. Between the two, it's fascinating to watch all the politics and posturing after Diana's death. Although not during tea, of course.

We Are Marshall

This was more than a little weepy for my taste, but how else are you going to talk about a plane crash that wiped out an entire college football team, and the long road back for that football program?

After the crash, Huntington, West Virginia, mourns, then debates putting together another team. (Booster Ian McShane vs. dean David Strathairn.) Soon there's a new coach (Matthew McConaughey) and a whole lot of new players, plus a few people from the old team (player Anthony Mackie and assistant coach Matthew Fox) who weren't on that fateful flight.

All in all, it's not bad, and the football scenes are decent. Then again, I almost dropped this lower in the post because of the director: McG. Maybe he's a nice guy and all, but dude ... "McG?" Is there anyway a grown man can walk around calling himself that? You're better off with McLovin.

THE BAD

My Date With Drew

Or "Loser Stalks a Nutty Actress." My wife will be the first to tell you that I like crazy deadline-type stunts. I'm the guy who went to 50 states in 50 days, and has talked about riding every mile of the New York City subway system on one fare. So sure, I was willing to see if this hirsute Jewish lad could actually get a date with Drew Barrymore in a mere 30 days.

Two big problems, however. One, there's a good argument to be made on whether he accomplishes his goal. Not to "ruin" the movie for you, but let's say one of the original conditions isn't met. Second, how he ultimately ends up with the date ... well, it's not anything earth-shattering, and it kind of was cheating in my opinion. In other words, things start out one way, but then the boys try another tack, which ends up being successful.

I'll admit that parts of this documentary are funny, and that you can't help but root for the guy. But he's more annoying than endearing. And then there's Drew, who does little to dispel her reputation as a dingbat. Nice girl? Sure. Cute? Yeah. Nuttier than a Payday bar? No doubt.

Phantoms

That's right! "Phantoms like a mallf*cker!!!" You know, some people watch "When Harry Met Sally" and get inspired to see "Casablanca." I've already seen "Casablanca," but after seeing "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back," I knew I'd have to see "Phantoms" someday. I mean, Affleck was the *bomb,* yo!

Alas, this movie sucks. Yes, even Affleck.

Big Ben is sheriff in a small Colorado town where almost everyone has either disappeared or got themselves dead. Also running around is Rose McGowan, whom I've had a crush on since "The Doom Generation," way before "Charmed." Yet here's another in a long line of crappy roles for her. That's what you get for dating Marilyn Manson.

That's not the worst casting news, though. Featured in this muddled monster tale with crappy effects and a "boo" every two minutes is none other than Peter O'Toole. Good lord ... Lawrence of Arabia? The Lion in Winter? Mr. Chips? What on earth are you doing here? And with second billing to Daredevil? We're going to have to ask for that honorary Oscar back, sir.

THE UGLY

Reno 911!: Miami

Whoa. Here's a group of people you don't want to look at very much. While I don't watch it regularly, "Reno 911!" is funny. So yeah, I wanted to see the feature-film version of these raunchier "Police Academy" types wreaking havoc on South Florida. I just didn't expect my eyes to burn so much.

The Reno cops have to keep the peace when a terrorist attack traps thousands of police officers inside the Miami convention center. As you might guess, hijinks ensue. And by "hijinks," I mean twisted interludes between cast members in various states of undress. (Shudder.)

Fortunately, this is little more than an extended version of a typical "Reno 911!" episode. Really, it's maybe 75 minutes long between opening and ending credits. That greatly helps with the digestion of such unappealing acts. If I never see a tubby deputy with hellacious sunburn on her back again, I'll be happy. Very happy.