Huston, we have a problem: "Prizzi's Honor"

This movie has intrigued me since it became something of a surprise hit more than 20 years ago. After seeing it, I'm still intrigued ... by how so many people thought this was actually good.

Our story has Jack Nicholson ("Mars Attacks!") as a Mafia hitman who falls for a wedding guest who turns out to be a hitwoman, played by Kathleen Turner ("V.I. Warshawski"). Anjelica Huston is the daughter of one of Nicholson's associates, Robert Loggia is yet another associate and William Hickey -- the ghostly guy who chants "You want it, you got it ... Toyota" in "Forget Paris" -- is the Mafia don. Did I say "ghostly?" The old guy is practically transparent.

A lot of colorful characters, yes? A kooky plot -- hitman and hitwoman hook up, hijinks ensue -- yes? Loggia grabbing a girl's butt in an elevator, yes? So how can this go so wrong? I blame my bad timing, although that explains only so much.

Here's the deal: When director John Huston did "Prizzi's Honor," it was well after the first two "Godfather" movies and "Mean Streets," the great mob movies of the 1970s. It also was before "Goodfellas" and "Casino," the most well-known mob movies of the 1990s. (I maintain that "Casino" is a bit overrated.) It also was almost 15 years before "The Sopranos" showed up and lent a whole new dimension to la famiglia.

So what? So this: Critics liked "Prizzi's Honor" because it had been a good decade since there was bigtime mob movie, and the whole quirky angle was fresh. Never mind that Nicholson's accent made me fall out of my chair laughing -- and not in a good way -- or Hickey's don was a nutty caricature, or the turn toward the serious at the end pretty much undid the lame attempts at satire. Given the good mob stuff we've seen in the last 20 years, "Prizzi's" doesn't hold up well at all. And it's too damn long, too.

When I think of it, I'm not sure the movie would have been that good had I seen it in '85. The dialogue is too hammy -- "Do I ice her? Do I marry her?" -- and none of the performances struck me as anything great, even Anjelica Huston's Oscar-winning role. Really, how did this end up bagging eight nominations, including acting ones for Nicholson and Hickey, as well as best director and picture? Did John Huston have naked pictures of someone's sister ... or daughter ... or sister ... or daughter?