Thursday, January 25, 2007

More like DUMB-ino!: "Domino"

I actually wanted to like this movie, just so I could write "More like Domi-YES!"

Why did I give Tony "ADD" Scott yet another chance? Because I can't get enough needless quick cuts? Because I love silly subtitles and other words streaming across the screen? Because sometimes I just feel too smart? Nope. Sadly, I must confess that I wanted to see Keira Knightley kicking tail, and not while wearing Victorian garb or running around a soccer field.

"Domino" is sort of about the life of Domino Harvey, an actor's daughter who rejected the trappings of fame -- modeling, private schools, etc. -- and became a bounty hunter in L.A. Why would she do this? Daddy didn't love her? She actually wanted a real meal? Just for gits and shiggles?

In the end, we never know, because this is far from a true biopic. Instead, it's another excuse for Ridley's brother to show kooky characters, stunt casting, gunfights and explosions. Oooohhh! But hey, I guess it wasn't bad to look at. I mean, KK does a lap dance AND gets topless, so that works.

Otherwise, there's nothing to take seriously here, and not much to laugh at. As Domino does time as a bounty hunter, we see her fall in with Mickey Rourke, a legendary bounty hunter and a father figure of sorts. (Yes, that's scary.) The third member of their trip is a Latino who insists on pulling his hair back in a ponytail, then letting it out. Pulling it back, then letting it out. It got old the sixth or seventh time, amigo.

With the story told in mostly incoherent flashback and flash-forward style, we learn that the bounty hunters become the subjects of a reality show produced by Christopher Walken and hosted by former 90210 stars Ian Ziering and Brian Austin Green, playing themselves. That's only mildly amusing, unfortunately. Then things go awry as the gang gets tangled up with a casino owner, a mob boss and a bunch of money.

It's all a big mess, and a long one -- more than two hours -- at that. The casting is somewhat intriguing; Dabney Coleman is the casino owner, and Macy Gray is a sistah in a robbery scheme. But we also have Tom Waits. Man, why does everyone think he's so cool? Actually, the neatest thing was the sight of Fred Koehler, the little kid from "Mr. Mom" and "Kate & Allie." He was one of the mob boss's sons, and I immediately thought, "Hey, I know that guy!"

So yeah, when that's a high point of this movie -- that and the boobies -- it's hard to give this a passing grade. Now if Keira had taken out the bad guys with a penalty kick ...

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