Quantity, not quality

We've had some stuff stack up here at Ye Olde Movievangelist, so let's get to it.

A waste of a fat suit: "Just Friends"

This seemed like something My Forever Beautiful and I could watch together. Alas, she started zoning out halfway through, and I can't say I blamed her.

In this story of unrequited love between high school friends who meet again as adults, Ryan Reynolds struggles to be "not bad," while Amy Smart does nothing to dispel the rumor that she's not much of an actor. That leaves two supporting characters to steal the spotlight:
1. Anna Faris as an insane pop superstar Reynolds drags around his hometown. You may recall her hilarious turn as the kooky Cameron Diaz type in "Lost in Translation." She's even funnier here, I think. (My wife was a tad more annoyed, though.)
2. Chris Klein -- I know! -- as Reynolds' rival, another geek turned stud. It took me a few minutes before I recognized Klein, mainly because I've become used to him sucking. Here, he gives his best performance since his debut in "Election." It's pretty good, really.

Good enough to watch this movie? Well, no. But if you must, enjoy the scenes with the second bananas, since the main love story blows.

Bite me: "Shark Tale"

Another movie fit for family viewing. With the standard DreamWorks polish, our animated story presents a timid shark who doesn't want to kill and a mouthy fish with aspirations of greatness. Together, they help each other out. Alas, this facade can't last.

Good cast here: Robert De Niro as the boss shark, Jack Black as his wimpy son, Will Smith as the hero, Renee Zellweger as his would-be paramour and Angelina Jolie as the femme fatale. A few other names in the mix, too, most surprisingly Martin Scorsese as Smith's boss. Kind of weird to see Marty doing the acting thing, even if he's technically not on screen himself.

Not a bad movie ... plenty cute. But in the end, it's pretty light, even for this kind of thing. For underwater fare, "Finding Nemo" is better.

All together now ... : "A Cry in the Dark"

"THE DINGO ATE MY BABY!!!"

Technically, the famous line is "The dingo's got my baby!" Over the years, though, it's been tweaked a la "Play it again, Sam." And, of course, who can forget Elaine trying to liven up a boring dinner party by suggesting to a new mother, "Maybe the dingo ate your baby."

As for the movie that spawned the line, it's not bad, with Meryl Streep working her accent magic once again, this time as an Australian mother whose baby is carried off by a wild dog -- yes, a dingo -- during a camping trip. Over the next few years, she and her husband, Sam Neill, are subject to public scrutiny and suspicion that they killed the little girl themselves. Why would anyone think such a thing? Maybe because these folks are religious fundamentalists, which was just too weird in 1980s Australia.

That this is a true story makes for some compelling viewing, although the rumor-mongering and melodrama gets to be heavy at times. Take away Streep, and this very well could be a Lifetime movie. Still, she's good enough to keep you wondering what really happened. Even if she's innocent, I thought, she's cracked.

And then there is shame: "The Dukes of Hazzard"

We all knew I wasn't going to waste hard-earned money on this crap in the theater. So instead I wasted valuable time in my own home. Then I thought of all the time and money spent by all the people who made this, and I started to get a little angry. Then I flipped to "Wedding Crashers" and felt better again.

No need to outline the "story" here, other than to say the Family Duke is as crazy as ever. And I'm afraid if I spend too much time on this, I'll get not angry, but depressed. To wit:

• The Duke boys -- Bo (Stifler) and Luke (Jackass) -- are neither funny nor interesting. Stifler has maybe a few funny lines -- "This was going to be my time!" -- but that's being generous.
• As Daisy Duke, Jessica Simpson looks great (of course) but -- and I didn't think this was possible -- is blanker than usual. Didn't matter if she was trying to be sexy or tough. She was just there. But hey, I can't complain about that kind of scenery.
• As for the old guys, Willie Nelson is stoned as Uncle Jesse, and Burt Reynolds is downright sad as Boss Hogg. No edge, no wit ... no anything.
• That leaves a couple of solid supporting actors -- M.C. Gainey as Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane and David Koechner as Cooter -- as the only halfway entertaing guys here. Koechner may have had the funniest bit when he asked one of the Duke boys -- see, that's how much I forget this movie -- for a pair of Daisy's famous jean shorts.

Sigh. I'd like to say that at least the car chases were OK, but other than an impressive jump onto an Atlanta highway, nothing stands out. I'd also like to say the attempts to modernize the Dukes, i.e. feedback on the Confederate flag on the General Lee, and the "blackface" the Dukes wear into the 'hood, were clever. But they really weren't. So why did I watch this again? Oh, yeah ... the scenery.