I was cool with the vanishing, but then Anakin reappeared. Bummer: "Jumper"

This movie follows a pretty typical arc here at "Movievangelist." I see the trailer, I think, "could be cool," I read poor reviews, I wait until it comes out of DVD. So it was that another $1.07 fell into Redbox's hands, and if hadn't been for one Hayden Christensen, I might not be so sore at the money being gone.

Our story has a teenage boy on the verge of a horrific death finding out he can teleport. He soon learns there are rules -- you need to have seen the place you want to go, or at least a picture of it -- and then we fast-forward to him as a young adult, living the high life thanks to his gift. If you think he sounds like a d*ck, seeing Christensen in the role pretty much triples that feeling.

Our, ahem, hero, eventually finds that (a) he's not alone as a "jumper," and (b) jumpers are being hunted by something called "paladins," led by ... wait for it ... Samuel J. Jackson -- with white hair. Oof. Jamie Bell is another jumper, Rachel Bilson -- not nearly as cute as in "The Last Kiss" -- is Hayden's love interest. Oh, and Diane Lane shows up in flashbacks and other scenes as Hayden's mommy. I can't say anything more about her because I really rather pretend she wasn't in this movie, her skills were so wasted.

Things I liked about "Jumper": Some of the teleporting scenes, Bell and ... um ... did I see a side shot of Bilson's boob? Can't remember.

Things I didn't like: Sorry, I'd have to start a whole new blog.

Christensen is unbearable as usual. Aside from "Shattered Glass," in which he was merely OK and still stomped on by Peter Saaaaaarssssgaaaaaard," the guy has blown chunks in everything. Jackson is collecting a check, as he often does these days.

I mentioned the other actors, although it's hard to know how much blame to assign them since this story is terribly one-dimensional. There's no explanation for how these guys got their gift, or what other jumpers have done, or why paladins hunt them. Most annoying of all is the director asking us to accept that Christensen can teleport all over the place and never be seen by anybody as he just appears out of thin air -- be it the top of the Sphinx or the hall outside his apartment. Sorry, my "go with it" attitude goes only so far.

That director is Doug Liman, which is a real shame. This is the guy who went from "Swingers" (great) to "Go" (not bad) to "The Bourne Identity" (very good) to "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" (also not bad). Then we get this pile of crap. Even better: "Jumper 2" is listed as "announced" on his IMDB page. I have to assume that's short for "announced that the world will stop spinning before that movie gets made."