Grate expectations: "Juno"

No.

No.

No.

No, this isn't all that.

No, this wasn't Oscar-worthy.

No, this shouldn't mentioned in the same breath as "Little Miss Sunshine." Or, for that matter, "Junebug." Not unless you want a big fat backhand to the face.

Maybe if there hadn't been so much ranting and raving about this indie fave, I'd like it more. But we can't unring that bell, and after all the hype and then finally seeing it for myself, I must confess that "Juno" is OK at best.

It's a shame, too, because I like every actor in this movie. Every actor. Ellen Page was cute in the last "X-Men" movie and scary in "Hard Candy." Michael Cera is just a funny, cool kid in everything. J.K. Simmons is a true pro. Allison Janney is never boring. Jason Bateman has been awesome since "Silver Spoons" and "It's Your Move." (Haven't seen "Teen Wolf Too," but I'm sure he was robbed of an Oscar there, too.) Even Jennifer Garner has her merits. Hot, yes, but also funny in "13 Going on 30" and not even that bad in "Daredevil." ("Elektra," though ... )

So yeah, I like all these folks. And "Juno" isn't a bad story either, even if it's just a Lifetime movie without the drama. Quirky teen gets knocked up, decides to give it up for adoption, hijinks ensure. Simple enough, right? And with a full commitment to one direction, it could have kicked ass. Yet -- and this will sound weird -- "Juno" tries too hard and doesn't do enough.

Bear with me here, and think of this movie in light of two other recent movies with offbeat characters: the aforementioned "Little Miss Sunshine" and "Napoleon Dynamite." With the former, we had some messed-up people somehow co-existing and coming together as they underwent an odyssey. It wasn't pretty, but it was funny, and as oddball as things got, they still were believable. And things never felt over the top. That movie worked.

With the latter, you couldn't make up that cast of kooks, yet each person seemed genuine and earnest, and the story wasn't heavy at all. Nope, no serious issues in "Napoleon Dynamite." Just some goofy kids making their way through high school. Even if the awkwardness was amped up to 11, things never felt over the top. So yeah, that movie worked, too.

"Juno" didn't work, at least not as well as the hype would have you believe. First, I'm sorry, but the main character didn't seem like a real person. Whether it was the nonstop wit or the lack of seriousness with which she took her pregnancy, Juno wasn't convincing to me. The morose, mute high school kid in "Sunshine?" Yep, I bought that. The oddballs in "Dynamite?" Them, too, even if I've never seen a guy quite like Napoleon. But Juno -- and for that matter, Bleeker -- were neither normal nor -- for lack of a better term -- believably quirky. A fan might say that makes them unique, but I found the writing and portrayals forced and false. And again, I like these two actors.

The story also falls apart in a few places, mostly when it comes to how people handle Juno's pregnancy. (Or how she got pregnant in the first place. Why bother to ask that?) Her parents? Again, more wit than necessary, although Janney is pretty funny -- probably the funniest person in the movie. The adoptive couple? For her limitations as an actor, Garner was actually pretty solid, both at the start and when it came to the resolution. But Bateman? As much as I love him, I'm not sure he was right for the role, and his whole feng shui was off.

So yeah ... kind of a letdown here. I wish I hadn't heard anything before watching this, but I still think my BS detector is pretty good. And unlike other Oscar categories, I've now seen all five movies in the best original screenplay category. It's clear "Juno" rode the quirky wave and the feel-good story of a former stripper penning a screenplay.

Meanwhile, the other four movies -- "Lars and the Real Girl," "Michael Clayton," "Ratatouille" and "The Savages" -- all are better than this, and "Lars and the Real Girl" really was much more inventive and realistic. It's doubly shameful that both that movie and "Juno" deal with young people going through personal trials, and how the people who care about them handle it. While "Juno" falls short, "Lars" was something special. Yet no public love. Maybe if he had dated a pregnant sex doll ...