Idiocy, debauchery and other things that never go out of style

One of these is from way back but was something I had heard about. The other I vaguely recall breezing through theaters last year. Both are pretty dumb, and in the end only mildly amusing.

Before he unveiled his true genius in "Arli$$": "The Hollywood Knights"

Kidding, of course. "Arli$$" ... I mean, come on ... I've had poops that had more right to be on HBO.

Let us take a moment to consider the esteemed Robert Wuhl. Outside of his small role in "Bull Durham" -- "Candlesticks always make a nice gift" ... "Sears sucks, Crash" ... "Lollygaggers!" ... and so on -- I can't think of a movie where Bobby W. didn't annoy the holy hell out of me. Really, he just sort of sucks all around. And "The Hollywood Knights" is where it all began.

Think of this movie as "American Graffiti" crossed with "Porky's," and not nearly as good as either. Wuhl is the obnoxious -- no! -- leader of a car club/gang of sorts in L.A. in 1965. It's Halloween Night, and the Beverly Hills snooty-snoots are shutting down the crew's beloved drive-in. So we get to watch Wuhl, whose character has the improbable name of Newbomb Turk, and his buddies wreak havoc on various events.

You could argue that this movie is worth watching just for a first look at some familiar faces. Along with Wuhl, it's the film debut of Tony Danza and Michelle Pfeiffer. Wow, the three of them didn't exactly end up in the same place after starting from the same point, huh? Other recognizable folks include Fran Drescher (annoying as usual but actually looking not so bad) and Stuart Pankin (looking plenty bad). Then there are all sorts of other twentysomethings masquerading as high schoolers.

Beyond being funny only here and there, this movie's biggest problem is that it doesn't know what it wants to be. Raunchy teen comedy? Social commentary on such issues as Watts and Vietnam? Young love story (Danza and Pfeiffer)? "Knights" tries to be all at different points, and it ultimately doesn't add up to much. Surprising, considering this was directed by Floyd Mutrux. You know, Floyd Mutrux. Yeah, me neither.

If it weren't for "Sideways," I'm sure this would have been "Winefest": "Beerfest"

It's always fun when a new month starts and I check out what's on HBO. The network usually rolls out respectable, or at least big-budget, stuff in the early weeks; for instance, the latest "X-Men" movie and "Superman Returns" will be on this weekend, Sept. 1-2. The end of the month, though? Well, that's when you get "Beerfest."

Delivered to us by the Broken Lizard comedy troupe -- whom I never heard of before they started making movies, but whatever -- "Beerfest" follows two young Americans of German descent who stumble across a "Fight Club"-esque competition involving all their favorite drinking games. Alas, they're not wanted and are humilated by the German team, whose patriarch happens to be related to their grandpa but doesn't think much of him. That leads our heroes to assemble their own beerfest team and go back a year later with revenge on their minds. Ja, revenge.

Some parts actually are funny. Donald Sutherland and Cloris Leachman -- all 80 years of her -- both ham it up in small roles. Also, the legendary Jurgen Prochnow -- who already sold his soul when he played Schwarzenegger in that TV movie -- gets off a good "Das Boot" joke. Some of the stupid jokes and scenes -- plus the frequent use of "und" -- also prompted a chuckle, although I'm having a hard time remembering many right now. Oh, OK, one bit where a would-be male prostitute is going over his menu:

"It's $10 for a BJ, $12 for an HJ, $15 for a ZJ ...

"What's a ZJ?"

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

Overall, though, this was dumb and downright disturbing at times. Hey, I like stupid just fine; against my better judgment, I'd say "EuroTrip" isn't bad, and not just because of that Matt Damon cameo I mentioned a few days ago. "Beerfest," though, doesn't quite measure up, despite the best intentions of director Jay Chandrasekhar. He's also in the movie, and every time I saw him I thought, "He's like an even more awkward M. Night Shyamalan. And I really don't need to see his ass crack."