It's so hard being pretty, perky and zit-free: "Empire Records"

Can't remember the first time I saw this classic, and I have an even harder time explaining why I watched it again. Best I can figure, I stumbled across the beginning while winding down one night, then came across the second half of the movie a few nights later. Lucky me.

If you don't know "Empire Records," no need to panic. It nominally is the story of teenagers who work at an independent record store that is about to become a Tower/Virgin-type of megastore. Of course, this upsets our hearty band of hip misfits ... except there's really nothing that "misfit" about these well-scrubbed refugees from a Gap commercial.

I'll admit a curiosity factor in seeing a 26-year-old Renee Zellweger play a high-school slut just one year before she broke out in "Jerry Maguire." We also get one of my faves, Robin Tunney, except she shaves her head right at the start, which is a drag. Otherwise, it's other good-looking kids pretending to be either angst-ridden or goofy, neither convincingly. In fact, I can think of exactly one funny exchange:

Warren: Why don't you take these CDs and shove them up your ass?
Lucas: Because it would hurt a lot, Warren.

Other points of silliness: The store owner, Anthony LaPaglia, sports long hair and leather pants. Nice look. We also get a scene where a shoplifter -- the aforementioned Warren -- who is a wannabe employee pulls a gun on everyone but is so endearing in the end that he gets hired. Yeah, that totally would happen. Screw you guys.

Of course, I've yet to mention Liv Tyler who ... well, can't really act, can she? Let's face it: It's not like she had to use the Meisner technique to play an elf in "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy. Everything else she's done pretty much relies on her batting those eyes and having a hazy glow around her fair visage. Yeah, I smell Oscar.

To recap: silly characters, inane plot, corny dialogue, LaPaglia in leather pants. Sure, this might make you think "Empire" falls into the "so bad, it's good" category. Sadly, it's no "Showgirls" or "Battlefield Earth." And that may be the unkindest cut of all.