Obviously De Niro and Pacino were unavailable: "Tango & Cash"

You can look it up: This gem came out the same year as "Turner & Hooch." How about that for a coincidence of titles? There's just one difference. "Turner & Hooch" starred a dog. "Tango & Cash" is a dog.

For some reason, though, I simply cannot turn away when this comes on. I suppose I've seen bits and pieces of "T&C" several times over the last few years, given its regular place in TNT's "Crappy Action Movie Collection." But like other proud members of this film fraternity -- i.e. "The Last Boy Scout" -- "T&C" isn't boring, what with all the fights, gunfire and explosions. Nope, not boring ... just mind-numbingly stupid, when it comes to both plots and performances. I know, I know ... and you were about to tell me about Sylvester Stallone's many Oscars.

As you probably know, "T&C" stars Stallone ("Rhinestone") as a hotshot L.A. cop who battles for the spotlight with fellow cop Kurt Russell ("The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes"). But when a crime lord targets our heroes, they're framed for murder and sent to prison. Fortunately, they learn the value of pacifism, appeal their case, are eventually freed and go on to lead several peace marches. The end.

Fine. As you might guess, Sly and Kurt break out of jail, find out who set them up and bring the crime lord down. I actually fell asleep 15 minutes before the end, but I had seen it before. Let's say bad guy Jack Palance ("Cops and Robbersons") can do all the push-ups he wants ... he's still not getting away with his dastardly scheme.

This is all tremendously silly, and if you treat this movie as pure comedy, you won't be disappointed. Throw in a few of "those guys" in supporting roles -- Brion James, Michael J. Pollard, and Clint Howard -- and Teri Hatcher as Sly's sister, and "Tango & Cash" fits perfectly in the "Turn Your Mind Off" category. Well, except that part where Stallone and Russell debate Nietzsche's Superman. (Sly: "I'm telling you, he totally was worse than Bizarro Superman." Kurt: "No way, you idiot.")