Why mail it in when you can send it FedEx?: "Ocean's Twelve"

Put me down with the majority of people who thought this about "Ocean's Eleven": It's bullsh*t, but you'll enjoy it. Like most, I never saw nor cared to see the original Frank Sinatra-led version. But given the cast and director for the remake a few years back, it was hard to resist Clooney and the Gang, and I thought the movie was a lot of fun.

Which, of course, meant there would be a sequel. Which, of course, would suck. Not saying "Ocean's Twelve" was the worst movie I've seen -- perhaps you've heard of "Hudson Hawk?" -- but I can safely say I've rarely been more disappointed. Seriously, there I sat, shaking my head like a dejected parent, wondering, "Where did I go wrong?"

Our story begins with the first film's bad guy, played Andy Garcia ("8 Million Ways to Die"), tracking down the 11 guys who stole a lot of money from his three Vegas casinos. You remember that crime, right? It was pretty cool, right? Remember that. Anyway, Garcia wants the money back, so the gang gets back together to consider a caper that will cover their butts.

That takes us to Europe, and sets off a chain of events and crimes that are really more muddled than masterful, at least to me. Whereas the goal of the first movie was clear -- a smirking Danny Ocean (George Clooney of "The Facts of Life" fame) wants to steal both the money and his wife from Garcia -- this is a little more convoluted, and it doesn't get better as things are "revealed."

But my biggest problem is the colossal waste of talent. Clooney, so smooth in "Eleven," really has little charisma here -- pretty stunning for guy I thought couldn't turn it off. Brad Pitt ("Cool World") isn't as bad, maybe because he gets the romance angle this time with European investigator Catherine Zeta-Jones ("The Phantom"). But Pitt still is half the fun of his first turn, and Zeta-Jones isn't nearly as good (or hot) as she's been elsewhere.

None of the others fare better, from Bernie Mac to Don Cheadle to Matt Damon -- all part of Ocean's gang. Damon's character is developed a bit more, I suppose, and he gives a game effort (especially since IMDB says he wanted a smaller role after finishing his latest "Bourne" movie), but I really could have cared less. And then we have Julia Roberts, Ocean's wife, who has a larger role and ostensibly is the 12th gang member, but really is the victim of a horrible in-joke that just doesn't work.

What does this all mean? Well, Steven Soderbergh -- who directed "Traffic" and the excellent "Out of Sight" along with "Ocean's Eleven" -- apparently can't work magic twice with the same ensemble cast. It also hopefully means he won't try to deliver a load of crap to theaters and call it a movie ever again. But on the bright side, it means Bruce Willis probably can get a little more work as himself in other movies. I also figured out "The Sixth Sense" before everyone else did ...