Because every battle against evil needs a little girl-girl action: "The Lord of the G-Strings"

Hey, we all know this isn't a family-friendly site. My taste in movies is one giveaway. Multiple mentions of "boobies" is another. But don't fret ... we're not about to throw all decency out the window and roll out Ron Jeremy's greatest hits.

That said, I couldn't resist recapping this title after I spied it on HBO Zone late one night. I fully admit that guys saying they find porn more funny than hot is one of the great alltime myths, along the lines of "It's not you, it's me," or "Sure, President Bush can read." But it really applies here, as this "film" was laughably bad and rarely erotic.

Before you get too excited about gory details, take two steps back. There will be no play-by-play here, since posting anything on someting called "The Lord of the G-Strings" deserves appreciation alone. Rather, consider these notes, and leave things at that:

• The lead actress is Misty Mundae, which, even for an adult film actress, is hard to swallow. (Oops, no pun intended.)
• By comparison, some of the "Lord of the Rings" puns were pretty funny. We had Diddle Earth, Throbbits, Dildo Saggins, Araporn and maybe the best, Ballem.
• Alas, the special effects -- which is being incredibly generous -- involved simple blue face makeup for the orcs and scene transitions borrowed from Super Mario Brothers, and not 2 or 3, either.
• With maybe a dozen people, the big battle scene wasn't exactly Helm's Deep.
• Finally, there was exactly one scene is which the Casio SK-1 keyboard gave way to a fairly decent ripoff of the LOTR music. Then again, you really need soft notes when Dildo has a tender interlude with an innocent barmaid while traveling under the guise of "Miss Undergarments."