All we're missing now is Tom Sizemore: "Assault on Precinct 13"

It's Oscar season, so that means it's time to ... review meaningless action fare. I caught this gem one Sunday afternoon, bypassing a few Oscar contenders (had a slight hangover and didn't want to "appreciate" a "film") and "House of Flying Daggers" (didn't feel like reading my movie). C'mon ... you know those fancy New York Times boys feel the same way sometimes.

I'm happy to report "Assault on Precinct 13" fit the bill in full, delivering rather comical dialogue and a cutthroat battle between B-movie actors over who could ham it up the most. Was it Ethan Hawke doing a poor man's Tom Cruise? Larry "Laurence" Fishburne re-using his "Matrix" wardrobe? Drea de Matteo exercising her mandatory push-up bra clause? Brian Dennehy just doing his Brian Dennehy thing? Talk about your close calls. (And I didn't even mention Smolderin' Gabriel Byrne, telling the world, "You thought I kicked ass in 'Ghost Ship?' Think again.")

That said, it was kind of fun and definitely not boring to watch Hawke and Co. defend an old police precinct from armed invaders. There were the John Woo Filmmaking 101 scenes -- "Why just shoot when I can fly through the air and shoot?" and "Hey, let's all point guns at each other!" -- to a startling number of bullet holes in foreheads. (They should put that stuff on the poster.) After all, who says suspending reality -- sure, there's a forest right by downtown Detroit -- is all bad? Is "House of Flying Daggers" based on a true story?