So you're saying you WON'T bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan?: "Haywire"

Come on, boys ... can we all admit that we were hopped up to see an attractive, fit woman getting rough with the fellas? And can we agree that when all was said and done we were left wanting?

I remember the trailer for "Haywire" sneaking up on me. What's this? Some kind of spy/assassin movie with a chick beating up on people? And what's THIS? Steven Soderbergh is the director? Yes, you have my attention.

I had no idea who Gina Carano was, but she wasn't hard to look at, and this looked to be of the Jason Bourne ilk. That there were some familiar faces (Michael Douglas, Antonio Banderas) and a few in-their-prime actors (Ewan McGregor, Michael Fassbender and, yes, Channing Tatum) didn't hurt at all, either. So I jumped on board.

Our story is that most classic in the realm of spies and assassins: A top dog finds him(her)self on the wrong side of an assignment, betrayed and ultimately looking for revenge. The twist here, of course, is that our agent has breasts. And you know what? That's interesting ... for about 10 minutes. After that, I found myself thinking this was a mediocre actioner at best. Sure, it's different to see Fassbender mixing it up with Carano vs. Damon. But once you get past the idea of a woman punching and getting punched -- and I know some people didn't, despite the equality vibe Soderbergh was going for -- the story is kind of weak, and Carano doesn't have the acting chops to make up for it. (Not that the script helps.)

In the end, "Haywire" is novel but not special. Put Jason Statham in the lead role, and Soderbergh would have to carve out an hour of each day answering calls from people asking, "OK, Steve ... tell me again why you bothered to make this movie ... "